


a thousand thousand sighs to save

by AmyriustrixR0se



Category: Twelfth Night - Shakespeare
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, Romance, That's really all it is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-09-02 13:45:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16788109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmyriustrixR0se/pseuds/AmyriustrixR0se
Summary: Interrupting the argument with Olivia, Count Orsino whisked Cesario away before Viola had a chance to reveal herself and her love for him. Now lying in bed, Orsino is conflicted about his servant Cesario who is just in the next room.





	a thousand thousand sighs to save

**Author's Note:**

> My university did this production and I (am absolutely in love with the actor who played Orsino) loved every minute of it! So, this fic is inspired by their performance :)

_Come, away!_

It was still so clear in his mind – what he said that afternoon. Olivia had been about to take away his- hm, Cesario.

He turned over in bed. He couldn’t sleep. Not with Cesario sleeping in the next room. He groaned. Oh, how it pained him, confused him, muddled him- what was he supposed to do? He yearned to be near his- hm, _the_ boy.

There was something delicate yet forbidden about Cesario. His fine features, his soft chin, and his blue orbs. He held so much innocence and mystery that Orsino couldn’t put his finger on what made Cesario so… so… beautiful.

And those long eyelashes-

He sat up. He’d had passing thoughts before but since the younger had spoken of imagining himself not a man but a woman… and then confessed for a love his sister did not have…

He had struggled to hold onto his first impression of the young man, but when his fingers lingered too long on the boy’s pale hands- His heart began to beat in his chest a little differently.

And Cesario’s abrupt movements away from him and fleeting glances toward him, he could only assume the younger felt similar.

Which brought him back to the words he spoke during the quarrel with Olivia.

The agonizing pain he’d felt when Olivia demanded Cesario leave with her. Anger rose within him at the mere memory. How _dare_ she believe he was hers to take? When he was so pure. So soft. So… _loyal_. He couldn’t live with himself if he let Cesario go.

_Come, away!_

He’d grown to care for the younger too much. And now his feelings were a knot in the pit of his stomach. Never again would he sleep in content. Not with Cesario in his life… That is, until Cesario moved on and found a young maiden to-

He growled and threw back the covers.

No, he would put an end to all this tonight.

* * *

Viola abruptly sat up at the sudden creak of the door. She saw Count Orsino’s outline against the moonlight. She instinctively covered herself with the bedsheets, hiding her true identity from him as best she could given her vulnerable state. She spoke as Cesario, “Everything alright, Master?”

He stopped at the name then held up his hand. “Do not… do not call me Master.”

Her heart caught in her throat. He sounded pained. “S-sir?” she said unsure.

His demeanor was different. He was unsure and hesitant and nothing at all like the arrogant self-absorbed man she had served these past months. His eyes were downcast as if he were afraid to look at her, as if he were doubting his very presence in the room.

At one point in her service to him, she could read his moods instantly. But now, at this moment, he was a clean slate.

She swallowed as he sat on the bed – chest bare as always beneath his long robes.. only now, it seemed wrong of her to look upon him with admiration. He looked broken and confused – as if something weighed heavily on his mind.

Something amiss.

He still hadn’t spoken and he was unaware of her frantically beating heart and confused desire to both run away and wrap her arms around him in comfort. He hadn’t properly looked at her yet. She saw him struggle with his thoughts. She rested her hand on his arm.

He started and looked at her pale thin fingers. Then his eyes trailed to her wrist, forearm, shoulder, before stopping at her face. He met Cesario’s eyes in the darkness – only seeing the glint of the moonlight reflecting. He leaned forward.

She leaned back, tightening her grip on the sheets covering her bosom.

He noticed Cesario’s sudden fear. But he was merely leaning to light the lamp at the bedside.

Soon a dull golden light filled the small room.

Viola as Cesario felt foolish for cowering away from him. She hesitantly met his eyes where she guiltily saw the hurt she caused. Her head shook and she cautiously reached for him again, hoping to undo the pain.

He watched Cesario’s hand carefully as if it were glowing hot with fire and one touch would set his whole body aflame. But he did not move away. He drew in a shaky breath when Cesario’s cool fingers fluttered over his skin before resting on his shoulder. He met the younger’s blue eyes.

His throat ran dry and he forgot how to speak.

And it was she who could take the suspense no longer. “What is it, sir? What troubles you?”

He gave a light but pitying chuckle. “Sleep will not come to me.” His chest hurt with so many words he wanted to say. He glanced up at his former servant. “I cannot stop thinking about today.”

“Olivia,” Viola whispered, ignoring the bitter taste the name gave her. “I see.”

Orsino met Cesario’s eyes. “Do you?”

His question wasn’t insulting or demanding. In fact, it was as if he hoped he wasn’t alone in madness.

But the look he gave her had her doubting her thoughts. Surely he had never stopped his adoration for Olivia. Why did she think he had? The pained and tormented look he had given her when he demanded Cesario leave with him rather than go with Olivia. The tightness of his voice as he repeated his orders when she had hesitated.

It meant nothing.

“Sir?”

He smiled so self-pityingly again. He focused on her features when he spoke – his voice a near whisper. “You… you make me feel odd. Like a flower blooming in the dead of winter.”

She shivered at the warm breath on her skin. It seemed as he spoke he neared her.

He took Cesario’s hand in his own and softly admired the fine flesh, fingers touching the lines embedded into his palm. He glanced up at the soft intake of breath. “Like the sun appearing in the midst of a storm.” He leaned forward, lifting his hand again and caressing the side of Cesario’s face.

She bit her lip. Orsino was awfully close but she didn’t have the courage to push him away. To see his soul break because of her-

She felt she wouldn’t be able to bear it.

But he had to know the truth before he saw it for himself. He’d disgrace her. Throw her out onto the streets. Or worse, he’d send her to Olivia – to spend an eternity waiting on that woman day and night. She was going to tell him- she was going to let it slip from her mouth so easily when Olivia wanted to sweep her away, but he had been so rigid and so angry.

She caught his wrist just as his thumb ran over her bottom lip.

His features grew slack and his eyes sought Cesario’s. His blood cooled in his veins and he began to fear he had made a mistake in his advances.

She shook her head. “Sir, there is something you must know-”

He heard the worry in his voice, and his heart twisted desperately at Cesario’s pain. “What is it?” His voice was a soft whisper. Was he too late? Had a woman already captured gentle Cesario’s heart? He felt something stir within him – hoping to plead with Cesario to let him make things right.

“I am not-” The words died on her tongue. How was she to say this? “I mean-”

Cesario’s grip loosened and Orsino turned his hand, catching Cesario’s and bringing it to his lips.

Viola watched as he held her fingers just mere centimeters from his mouth. She felt his uneven breath on her knuckles. She bit her lip, barely concealing a light gasp when he finally pressed a warm kiss to her. In an instant she grew brave and lifted her hand out of his, holding it beside his face. She held onto one last strand of love and happiness when he turned his cheek into her palm.

His brown eyes met hers, but she had to tell him.

“I-it is with a heavy heart I say this, but I cannot lead you further in this lie,” she said, finding her courage even though a lump threatened to form in her throat. “I am not the love you seek.” She took her hands away from him and covered her front tighter.

His gaze teetered on both anguish and mirth. “You are… Cesario, are you not?” He wondered what joke his former servant was playing. “You are- you are the young man with fine features and eyes so blue as the ocean that surrounds Illyria. You are he. What is this lie you speak of?”

Fear lodged in her throat. “Cesario is but a name, my lord, it is not what I was born.”

His brow crinkled.

She took a breath. “One face, one voice, one habit, two persons. A brother and a sister.” Her breath hitched – to admit such a lie was to admit the loss of her brother. She pressed on. “The brother lost at sea, taken by the water.” She turned her head away slightly. “The sister- lived. But chose to bide her time- taking on a new name.”

His eyes sought hers, and she could see the confusion in them. “Cesario-”

Her nod cut him off. “A name such as that- She couldn’t go on knowing her brother would never again see her- so she wore young gentleman’s dress and called herself- Cesario.”

Her heart was in her throat and she watched him carefully, looking for signs of malice and cruelty and rage.

He let go of a breath – a disbelieving laugh almost and edged closer to her still. “You are then, this mysterious girl whose brother was taken? Are you not?”

“I’m deeply sorry, my lord. I did not mean to carry on this disguise for so long-”

“And what you spoke about loving a love that of me, it was true,” he continued as if breezing over her anxiety. “Tell me, what is your name?”

She hiccupped. “Viola.”

He carefully ran his fingers through her hair with a new kindness – a different kindness than he had before. This one more gentle and shy as if the porcelain woman before him would break if his rough thumb so much as brushed her skin. “No longer a gentleman I have, but a lady. A beautiful lady – that is, if she still-”

“She does,” she interrupted with a smile. But her anxiety about not telling him sooner still weighed on her. “I was going to tell you. Truly. When Olivia set foot in the court-”

His body turned rigid suddenly as if the name were kindling a fire up his back. He withdrew his hand and sat on the edge of the bed, both hands braced against his legs. “Do not ever mention her.”

“Sir?” she questioned – the title out of habit.

“She would have taken you.”

She barely heard him. “Or-Orsino?” she tried. She reached forward and rested a hand on his shoulder. “I meant no offense in bringing her up. Please, forgive me-”

He shook his head. “It is not your fault. She-” He took a breath and the words he wanted to say about Olivia died on his tongue. “I felt ill when she wanted you. The mere thought of- _never_ seeing such a beauty again- _angered_ me and I _wouldn’t_ have it.”

Viola felt something warm unfurl within her – to know that Count Orsino himself would have stopped at nothing to keep his gentleman Cesario at his side – a gentleman whom he must’ve started to see as more than a servant… It just gave her the unusual case of butterflies.

If anything she had learned over these three months was that bravery was in her veins. She moved her hand – slowly and carefully – from the ridge of his shoulder to the dip behind his neck. She bit her lip when he glanced at her, eyes changing from vulnerable to concern. She inched closer and moved her hand, guiding him to her.

Her heart was thumping wildly in her chest and she was sure he could hear it. But it seemed her brain decided she had no idea what to do next. She prayed she didn’t look like a fool – an inexperienced young girl trying to seduce the handsome Count Orsino-

His chest reverberated with a chuckle and he shifted, leaning closer, placing his hands on the bed on either side of her. He held her gaze, never faltering when her breath caught. He watched her defenses fall – her other hand released the bedsheets. His mouth hovered over hers.

She pressed her fingers to his lips for a moment, hesitation in her eyes once more. “I-I- I must confess-”

Orsino’s brown eyes met hers and his gaze was patient despite their compromising position.

“It was only three months, but I know it to be true that I cannot give up Cesario so easily-”

He smiled softly, “Cesario’s presence will not be changed. He has a place still to serve if he so chooses. He has nothing to fear from me.”

The weight of everything and anything that had been leaning on her chest for so long vanished the moment she lost herself in his warm brown eyes. She smiled – pure and content – for the first time in ages.

And when suspense grew too much for her once more, she kissed him.


End file.
